This is when you should be taking that grain of salt by the way.
Well, I've been doing some thinking on the subject of the season and it's tendency toward romantic thought; this is in conjunction with quite a few discussions with someone who I can call a voice of moral conscience. It appears to me that within the church, we all seem to create this shell around ourselves, due to the importance of modesty in the Christian faith. Now, I'm a firm believer in "if you 'ain't sellin' don't advertise" so don't get me wrong. I just think that we, as a community do not express the kind of love we have for eachother well enough. I am well aware of the fact that modesty leans us away from temptation and sin. However, a fear of physical contact is almost ranging on un-needed separation. Christmas is a time when we all seem to realize how much we all mean to eachother. Its opened my eyes to quite a few things. For one, not all physical contact is tempting. I can honestly say that I have received more hugs in the past several days than I have in the past year, and not a single one was tempting to me. (At this point I'm just throwing opinions around like paint to splatter in the walls in some hopefully comprehensive way) Maybe, its not the action of physical contact, maybe its the state of mind of separation itself. Maybe, if you think it is going to be tempting, then the actual act WILL be tempting. But, if you brush it off as an act of appreciation and brotherly/sisterly love, then it can be (in my humble 15 year old opinion) an edifying and encouraging experience.
Well, you've heard my argument, and anyone who reads this should be well informed that I'm a hopeless romantic. I do see that I may be a bit bias, but for a hopeless romantic such as myself, to say that every single display of affection I have received over these Christmas celebrations has not temped me in the slightest should say quite a bit on how I feel on the matter.
(A note to John Behrens: I did really want to provide quotes for such a matter, I even had them on hand in a Word document. However, decency inclined me not to incriminate anyone’s opinion the matter. Rest assured though that I have sufficient proof on the situation for me to form some strong opinions on it.)
Yours, forever in the Christmas spirit,
Wes
14 comments:
HUGS TO WES!!!!!!!
I LOVED your hugs on Christmas Eve, and was very appreciative that you didn't take the two extreme roads (embarrassment or romantic affection) toward our hugs. Some guys don't have the...hmm, what do I call it? Self-control? Decency? Humility, perhaps? ...to take and receive hugs. Not to tell everyone that I think they're loony if they don't like my hugs...
Hmm. Rather encryptic note to John. But, then, it wasn't for me, so I won't bother trying to understand :-P
PS TO MY COMMENT: I LOVE giving massages. And by no means do I intend that act to mean anything other than that I'm just trying to bless my friends with relaxation or pain relief. So, yeah, Wes, if I ever have to defend my tendency to run around offering people massages, I'll borrow from your blog post, if I may :-)
sorry, wes... i'm not gonna go around hugging guys. but thanks for the gift.
I very much agree with you Wes. As I spent more time in Akron I realized how physically isolated we are in Pittsburgh. Friends and I discussed that over leaded beverages my birthday night, and agreed on your conclusion: Physical contact in itself is not wrong. In fact, substitute almost anything for "physical contact" there and that statement holds true. As Paul said, "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable." If your heart is lustful, or reaching out for comfort apart from God, or craving approval from others, you don't even need physical contact to sin. But if your heart is light with amazement and love for your brothers and sisters in Christ and the richness of fellowship we share under His salvation and lordship, your actions will reflect and express that God-glorifying emotion. God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him (Piper), and I think there is an honesty and reality to that satisfaction in God that are lost when we legalistically or habitually eschew familial relations with our friends.
Having said which, I still gotta check my heart. It is deceitful, and desperately wicked. Who can know it? Search my heart, O Lord, and see if there is any wicked way in me!
Another good thing Paul had to say, after the "all things are lawful" part, was that he wouldn't do anything that would be a stumbling block to anyone for whom Christ died. There are some people for whom a hug would not be received as a proper expression of Christian affection, and though your heart may be clear in the matter, it would not serve them.
So, (as with all things in this battle of life on Earth) guarding on the right and guarding on the left, let's shake hands, hug, and if you're in Mexico, kiss one another with the love of Christ. :-)
Wes, I think you should stop referring to yourself as a "hopeless romantic." Cliches aside, I think that phrase indicates an attitude of unchangeability about your heart. Yes God gave you an intentionally-crafted nature with certain inclinations, but He will be chiseling and herding that nature increasingly into conformation with the image of His Son. Don't just laugh it off and chock it up to being "a hopeless romantic." Rigorously bring that romanticism "captive to the obedience of Christ," lifting it up before God and cutting your fallen, deceptive heart no quarter.
I would be honestly very happy if you never used that phrase to refer to yourself again :-)
Shannon, thanks for your shoulder rubs! They have been wonderful on several occasions, and not at all taken as anything more than a physical therapist-at-heart enjoying her craft :-)
Cool! I'm glad someone likes my massages. :-)
FOR REAL! do you think it would be appropriate for girls and guys at church to hug when we meet? um, no. and mebbe there really aren't any "lustful feelings" or whatnot. but still. picture it from an outsider's view. hugs are special and should not be wasted for mere pleasure as some have expressed enjoyment from hugs. and i think that the fact that the people in AKRON do it, does NOT mean that we are too held back or cold. at all.
i think the appropriate distance we have for one another is very respectful. respect. its good.
also, what if someone likes you and you don't know it. when you walked up and hugged them, you could become a HUGE stumbling block to them. thats not good either. at all.
m'k. thats my 2 cents. if y'all don't agree, thats ok but stay away from me with your huggieness!!! haha, unless you're family.
WOW, someone has some real opinions on this and yet won't share exactly who they are...
Ok nameless voice from afar, rebuke common desplay of Gods love. ;-) thats apparently your "life choice".
ok, that was a little rude.
ANYway, I'm not saying that its a good thing to the second you see someone run up and give them a hug, I'm saying if you just helped them out with some trouble they'e having, or just had a big discussion, or you're saying goodbye, etc. its a good thing to do.
Sorry for being blunt.
Bluntness in love kicks the butt of polite hatred.
Heather: Perhaps you took my and Wes' posts as meaning we should be hugging instead of shaking hands or high-fiving. That was definitely not my point, because I don't think it would be right. My point was rather that we should not unthinkingly forsake physical contact. Period. Think through what you do, and stand by it. The error is when we focus on "no hugging ever!!" and neglect our heart, which is the source of all sin. NHE may well stand as the proper guideline for you, but it should be informed and guided by scripture and prayer, not blindly-received dogma.
"Picture it from an outside view." Good point hed-kwatazz. We shouldnt do things that would confuse unbelievers or visitors. Like clear ambassador said about not being a stumbling block. We should think of those things whatever we do.
That's a strong mental picture you give Dan!
here's my thoughts...added too late for anyone to read.
I don't take exception to any of this dialogue. Even those that have a strong aversion to huggieness... :O)
I would encourage you all, and thanks to Wes for taking the time to spark this discussion. Testing your beliefs and experience is a huge deal. As you continue to gain autonomy, you will be forced to appropriate your faith to a greater extent, to make it your own. The world and the culture that we live in wars against the values and beliefs that have been the norm for many of us in Sovereign Grace. Its so encouraging to see you testing ideas and experience in light of God's Word. There is no better reference than God's book... Just reading through these posts serves a reminder that you all are already well prepared. It is evident that you are aware of the importance of heart motives, rather than concerned with a formulaic "to hug or not to hug" anwer.
Many people have put forth compelling arguments, explaining their personal convictions. I appreciate your concern with our appearance to outsiders. Thank you, Dan, for pointing our that there is more to the issue than whether or not someone sees us hugging. Hugging aside, the communication of care for one another, whether through conversation, handshaking, hugging, or playing a practical joke on your buddy, interaction can speak volumes to visitors. Especially when these interactions cut against the grain of our societies assumptions (i.e. a teenager talking to someone older than them...people with different social status interacting as friends) I think that if appropriately handled, even hugging could have an opposite effect on visitors. The Bible says that strangers will know that we belong to Christ, that we've been changed, because of our love for one another. In some cultures and cases, this may mean not hugging in order to demonstrate respect for one another, in other cultures, it may require hugging. America is a tough read...and I think even be location dependent in some ways...
Hugging someone of the opposite (or same) sex became more or less normal to me when I went to Tijuana, Mexico, where I was hugged, kissed, and face-grabbed by people of all ages...I had to work through some pride issues and see what my hangup with hugging was, and at the end of the day it no longer seemed so strange to me.
I have talked with female friends, especially from my church in Lancaster (CCL) that felt very strange coming to church because guys avoided talking to them. (Side note, Josh Harris has provided us with great insight and tools, I think sometimes we misread what he says or what we think he's said. Josh encourages guys and girls to interact as brother and sister, but I have seen a "don't date" mentality taken to an extreme where guys and girls don't even speak to one another...I don't believe that this is what Sovereign Grace, Josh Harris, or more importantly, what God's Word promotes or intends. Btw, the climate in Lancaster has since changed.) Digressing, this has not been something I've observed out here in the 'Burgh (although I would be interested to hear your thoughts). So thanks for taking initiative to interact with and include one another.
I don't have an issue with hugging someone of the opposite, or the same sex, but I know individuals who do, and I respect that. I feel that there is sufficient grounds for an individual's conscience to not allow them to hug. I would echo similar sentiments, that whatever you conclude, this is not just another issue to trivialize or accept someone else's opinion on. We must be certain that our conclusions are based on God's Word.
John 15:12-15
12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, [1] for the servant [2] does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.
P.S. Dan, thanks for being gracious with the points you were making and the general tone of your writing...that is a good example for the rest of us.
so, ok. i confused you all. sorry.
hugging is not the devil... :)
i think we should all look up to the older college grads for their take on this and other things like it. basically, ask lisa furman what she thinks of hugging and you will get what i think of the issue. :)
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