Apology

^"7But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ ⁹and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— ¹⁰that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attain the resurrection from the dead."


--Paul, an Apostle of Christ, in a letter to the church he planted in Philippi.


Everything I was ever proud of, I count as Rubbish. Trash. Refuse. Valueless rubble. Flotsam. Jetsam. Ashes.
It's so difficult to communicate biblical concepts in English sometimes.


How can you gain a person? or be found in a person?


In Hebrew this past week, I learned the literal meaning of sin. In a way, I feel like I should have known it, but I guess I just thought sin was its own definition.


To sin is, literally, to miss the mark. If you were an ancient Jewish archer, and you missed the bullseye, you sinned. Adam missed the mark of his promise to God. I miss the mark daily.


To be found in Christ is to have Christ hit the mark for you--Daily.


To gain Christ is not to gain his teachings, but to gain his very spirit within you. A living thing. A breath within your own. A Ruah in your Nephesh.


As to myself, my truth is not my own: It was given to my by the one who created the stars in the sky and the earth below. My identity is not in me or of myself, but in Christ, the one who came and saved--saves--me from the curse of missing the mark.


How do I know? I feel it in my deepest being. Heart is too weak of a word. Soul is too transient. But from the place where all hope, love, and reason springs, I feel the presence of someone who is set apart. Someone holy. Someone who is not me. Someone who is. I can feel him, as surely as I can breath and feel cold air in my lungs.


But I'm not a purely metaphysical person. I've studied and studied more. I've questioned. Doubted. The more I've studied the Canon scriptures and the literature, history, and commentary surrounding them, the fewer problems I find. We may not have the original manuscripts of the New Testament, but we have original letters from church fathers in the late 1st century and early 2nd that gratuitously quote the Gospels and Letters and testify to their authenticity. The current Bible wasn't bound together by politicians or kings, it has been affirmed and reaffirmed by church leaders and scholars dozens of times since the second century. If there was a God, and he wanted to communicate with humans, why would he give them his words and not protect his words?


I have missed the mark many times in my life. I've said things that should never have been said and done things that shouldn't have been done. But when it comes to my belief in Christ and the reality of the Holy Spirit--and the fact that he is living and active--my conscience is clear and my hope is unwavering.


-Wes