Bare Feet and Sunsets

So, yesterday was a good day. I did a lot of studying for a test I'm going to be taking far too soon.

I was alone for half the day though... Which can be kinda mind-numbing and humbling out on the farm. I sat around, went over flash cards, played videogames, and listened to a bit of music.

Finally, the sunset came. I snapped my picture of the day of the nearby hillside(not the sunset itself, for a change) and decided to go for a short walk.

At the beginning of Spring, I convinced myself that I need to go barefoot more often this year. I've always been one of those kids who would never DARE walk on any surface outside that wasn't as smooth as Sam's Club cement floors. So, by golly, that's going to change. So, I walked about a sixth of a mile or so through knee-high fields and across country road asphalt to get a better view of the setting sun. I think it was definitely worth it.

Walking toward a sunset reminded me so much of how insignificant I am. I know, I know, this is kinda a parroted statement, but hear me out. For thousands of years, that same sun has risen and set, despite who walks under it. Probably for hundreds of years, the grass that was in between my toes has grown, been cut, then grown again. The wind, the air that licks my face at the top of the hill might have been the same wind that blew across Cain's sweaty brow as he tilled the soil for food.

As I stood there, burning my retinas with UV rays, I struggled to come to terms with the fact that each day is such a microcosm of an instant in the timeline of the world. Why should it matter how I feel? Why do we build things like skyscrapers and bridges and cities on hilly peninsulas? I mean, seriously... WHY would you EVER want to build a commercial super-center on a piece of completely un-level land that you can only approach from one direction without using a bridge? It's just stupid... But here's Pittsburgh. Humans do some completely ludicrous things during their tenure here. Even when a day is so short and meaningless in the grand scheme.

But every day means so much to me. Every day. Every day. Every day is a whirlwind of thoughts, feelings, penstrokes, keystrokes, friendships, shutter clicks, pursuit and flight.

I'm getting really stinkin' old! I'm exactly 17 and a half today. Although, it wasn't exactly an amazing half-birthday... Have you ever had the feeling that you KNOW that you've been promised a gift, but you never know when you're going to get it? It's hard. Some days, it feels almost unbearable. Today was one of those days. Ideally, I'd like to my life to all work out: I want my friendships to be in perfect condition; I want my attitude to always be God glorifying; I want to be loving, and giving, and good... But so often I fail.

Uhg... God is driving me crazy! He keeps slapping me upside the depressed head with gratuitous amounts of encouragement when I least expect it. He doesn't leave me to wallow in my misery, like my worldly self would like him to. He keeps reminding me of his son who died for me. He keeps reminding me of how, even though every day is as fragile as an antique Christmas ornament in the hands of a haphazard, hyper 2-year-old, he has a perfect plan for me and all my failings.

My feet are sore. But that's only temporary, just like me. And I think I'm okay with that.

-Wes

"Wholly Yours"--David Crowder